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Match Report

Sat 11th September 2010

Saxton (0) v Old Leodiensians (6)
Old Leodiensians won by 66 runs
Old Leodiensians 145 all out (Stuart Cobbett 89, Duncan Hawkins 4/44)
Saxton 79 all out (James Sykes 4/21)

After securing 2nd Division safety with the comprehensive win against Thorner the week before, the Saxton team gathered at a rather boggy Oval for the last game of the season against Old Leo’s, hoping for revenge after a mauling earlier in the season.  

Changes on the team front saw last week’s 2nd team hero, Stuart ‘Ellwood’ Brown come in for a first team debut in place of Lennox (now returned to a life of bankruptcy and alcoholism on the Tyne), Duncan ‘Mario’ Hawkins returning in place of Saxton’s very own Hell’s Angel DC, and Gareth ‘Mr Incredible’ Bottomley coming for the Stephen ‘Off Peg’ Wragg.  For only the second or maybe third time this season the Skipper was able to call correctly, and decided to let the what appeared to be under-strength(hindsight is a wonderful thing) visitors make use of a decidedly moist track, which would surely offer assistance to the bowlers.

And despite a very positive start in the first couple of overs, with the Leo’s openers punishing a misfiring Rory ‘ Anna Pavlova’ Coe, this proved to be the case, with Dog Boy emphatically returning back to form after 19 weeks of mediocrity with a fantastic spell of 4 for 40 from 12 successive overs, deservedly earning a big pat on the back in the first instance for completing 4 overs without being asked to ‘have a rest’. Wickets came courtesy of 2 well taken diving catches from ‘Miss’ Harold Fletcher,  a yorker which beat the big swinging Leo’s opener all ends up, and a sharp stumping by a still slightly inebriated ‘Reverend’ Smokey, who finally found some form behind the stumps 6 months into the season.

40 odd for 4 from 15 overs and Saxton in control on a pitch that was becoming more and more difficult to score on. Things were only to improve with the introduction of spin twins Hills (complete with dummy and a rather large nappy) and Fletcher, who both offered accuracy and a surprising amount of turn to further decimate the Leo’s batting order. A particular highlight being a caught and bowled wicket from the Skipper having previously dropped the same batsmen in more or less identical fashion the ball before. With Steve taking a further 2 wickets (Bowled and LBW) and Harry taking a deserved scalp (LBW) at the other end, the visitors were struggling on 89 for 6 with only 27 overs completed.

It only looked a matter of time before the innings was wrapped up, with the home team performing excellently both with the ball and in the field. However this is Saxton (14th time the phrase used in 2010), and in a manner which has happened all too often this season, things started to fall to pieces very quickly, with catches going down in comical manner (4 in the space of 4 overs at one point), a possibly stumping missed and some haphazard fielding thrown in for good measure. Although Harry managed to pick up the 9th wicket, with John ‘Dangermouse’ Potter wrapping things up after a juggling catch by Steve Harrison on the boundary, the previous hour’s indiscretions had allowed Leo’s to reach 145, and a lot of subsequent momentum having at one stage looked like they would struggle to even reach the 3 figure mark.

After a bit of a (light-hearted) post mortem over Harry’s uncharacteristically British Tea offering, Saxton set about chasing down the small total and a victory which would end the season nicely after many ups and downs during the previous 5 months.  However, when it’s not our day it’s not our day, and we tend to have a habit of losing in real style.

The writing appeared on the wall from the very first ball with the previously on form Steve Harrison run out without taking strike courtesy of a direct hit from the boundary. It’s a good job it’s the end of the season as his helmet probably now needs reconstructive surgery after an impromptu game of pinball against 3 of the Pavillion walls. Wickets tumbled at regular intervals with the Wookie providing the visitors with a second run out a few overs later after a not so incredible piece of running, with then JP, and the Skipper following soon after.

When Smokey and the Orange version of Peter Stringfellow departed in the space of 4 balls, the writing looked on the wall, with only Steve ‘Denno’s Worst Nightmare’ Hutton managing to cause the Leo’s bowlers any real problems with a cavalier like innings. The remaining four wickets fell both quickly and cheaply, with the only real highlight being Harry’s ‘I hate my life’ Jamie Winter-esque style strop after being bowled playing across a straight one for the 11th time this season.

79 all out and an abysmally damb squib of a way to finish the season. A very mixed bag overall with many highlights, some excellent performances, both as a team and individually, some dire collapses, ‘carryon style’ fielding performances, and several lost opportunities in games that we both could and should have won. Still, the main thing is we’ve enjoyed it, with plenty to build on in 2011.

The game was soon forgotten as the crate of Kronenbourg kindly provided by the Skipper was cracked open by Man of the Match Hawkins, and the outfits came out of the bags to replace the Cricket whites. After a few pictures and a pretty shoddy attempt at tidying the ground by the Under 21’s it was down to the Greyhound to spend the £150 (boosted later by contributions from Faye, Em and Charlie) collected in fines during the course of the season. A big thank you going to Smokey, Steve Hutton, Skipper, Dog Boy and Rory for providing the rest of the lads with  a pretty cheap night.

Please see below a sample of the sights which greeted the locals at around 6.10pm.

1 2 3

4 5 6

7 8


5 hours of heavy drinking produced a number of highlight:

1. Steve Hutton's reaction to being labelled the slowest runner in the team

2. Denno's reaction on seeing Steve Hutton

3. Nige bearing an uncanny resemble to Gareth's 2nd wife

4. Wraggy's outfit

5. Wraggy being placed on a table for 15 minutes

6. Rory on the verge of Pneumonia

7. 'Reaction' to Rory's question as to whether it would be possible to touch a rainbow

8. Gareth outsprinting a large Dog on Saxton High Street

9. Jamie Baxter outsprinting a large Wookie on Saxton High Street

10. Jack Bromley resembling a cross between Michael Jackson and Moira Stewart

11. Alan's jacket blinding several locals

12. Brokeback Monster (Denno)

13. Ian looking like an extra from a BananaRama video circa around 1987

14. The arrival for the long awaited Pizza's

And no doubt many more, as reports are yet to have been received from the after party at Chez Potter. Great fun all round, and a great atmosphere. Top club and top people.

See you on the 2nd at the Riley Smith.

A now defrocked Smokey.

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