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Match Report

Sun 12 May 2013

Fred Fleetwood Cup

Wetherby 395-7 beat Saxton 122 all out

Philip Larkin described religion as a 'moth eaten brocade', and on yesterdays evidence, religion is still a glorified book club, as 10 men Saxton rocked up to division 1 champions Wetherby. The cup, the place of miracles and David's overthrowing Goliaths; was there to be miracles in this round 1 tie? To put it no less emphatically, no, there definitely was not. Readers, if you wanting to read about miracles, then i suggest you return to your holy bible, because there will be nothing comparable to water turning to wine, or any resurrections. Saxton's bleak performance was enough to not only question belief in god, but belief in humanity. Here was evidence that we, as humans, are biologically functioned to meander through life, close to that of a cow grazing in a grassy field, not a
humans ability to think and do.

Unsportingly maybe, Wetherby won the toss and put themselves into bat. It was the longest 40 overs since the last person who had to sit next to Chris Dennison at a county Pro40 game as they listened to him talk about the life
span of trees and the right wood to build a shed with. There was a glimmer of hope though, as D.Walsh got a break through early doors, with a Mick Jagger off the square, and the middle stump almost as shocked as Walsh was that he had got a wicket. Then it was as downhill as a ski slalom. Walsh managed to rattle the oversea's Aussie with a bit of a bouncer. The Aussie alleged to have threatened to smash him into the next field if he did it again, but all that was audible was "put a shrimp on the f*****g barbie mate". The number 3 batsmen took the game/ ball/ will to live away from Saxton, smashing 211 runs. Dan Hewer said that 'his second hundred was s**t to be fair". Well to be fair, 211 runs in a 40 over game coming in at three is deserving of some rub of the green. It was intelligent hitting, hitting the bad ball, with his wide stance and low grip on the handle allowing him to scoop the ball and turn a good length ball into a bad one. Lessons to be learnt. And in all fairness he was a nice chap as well, looked like the guy off 'The Real Hustle'.

Saxton did not help themselves with utterly shambolic fielding, not only displaying an inability to do the basics, but the most basic of human skills like picking a ball up. Bishop, who is no stranger to dressing room tantrums, which is only usually at his own performance, was spitting feathers like a swan who can not sleep because of noisy neighbours, beating the hell out of an overfilled pillow. He lost it. Hewer bowled a good spell in the circumstances, bowling line length, and the occasional yorker. Bishop bowled his first spell in 6 years, and his first full spell in senior cricket with tight off breaks, and the odd one that threatened to take out somebody's eye (he declined to comment whether it was intentional or not) which were usually hit onto the adjacent motorway, or caught and then run over the boundary line by the fielder. Saxton slightly redeemed their self in the batting, with a rejigged order. A start from Bishop, an entertaining cameo from young Jimmy Leonard playing some lovely straight punts over the infield and breaking his budget bat in the process. Harry Fletcher also made a solid 30 runs and will have enjoyed his time at the crease. But Saxton were never in sight of their mammoth target of 396.

What remains? Dan Gilbertson needs some tutelage from David Buck, in the mentality of simply playing with a straight bat and the mindset of occupying the crease. He could even lend him his nightime cd 'The master of the crease: Learn it in your sleep', which Gilbertson could play twice over in his 18 and a half hour sleep ins. Dennison needs surgery to take a foot off his height, and Potter needs to stop laughing and get angry. And Faye Walsh will probably want to get a saturday job instead of scoring. And will Mike's baby arrive? Who shot JR? Where is timbuktu? It is Whixley on saturday, and a win is not a superlative, but to avoid the rutt of last year, one cannot but help feel it is an important one.

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