Sun 12 May 2013
Fred Fleetwood Cup
Wetherby 395-7 beat Saxton
122 all out
Philip Larkin described
religion as a 'moth eaten brocade', and on yesterdays
evidence, religion is still a glorified book club, as
10 men Saxton rocked up to division 1 champions Wetherby.
The cup, the place of miracles and David's overthrowing
Goliaths; was there to be miracles in this round 1 tie?
To put it no less emphatically, no, there definitely was
not. Readers, if you wanting to read about miracles, then
i suggest you return to your holy bible, because there
will be nothing comparable to water turning to wine, or
any resurrections. Saxton's bleak performance was enough
to not only question belief in god, but belief in humanity.
Here was evidence that we, as humans, are biologically
functioned to meander through life, close to that of a
cow grazing in a grassy field, not a
humans ability to think and do.
Unsportingly maybe, Wetherby won the toss and put themselves
into bat. It was the longest 40 overs since the last person
who had to sit next to Chris Dennison at a county Pro40
game as they listened to him talk about the life
span of trees and the right wood to build a shed with.
There was a glimmer of hope though, as D.Walsh got a break
through early doors, with a Mick Jagger off the square,
and the middle stump almost as shocked as Walsh was that
he had got a wicket. Then it was as downhill as a ski
slalom. Walsh managed to rattle the oversea's Aussie with
a bit of a bouncer. The Aussie alleged to have threatened
to smash him into the next field if he did it again, but
all that was audible was "put a shrimp on the f*****g
barbie mate". The number 3 batsmen took the game/
ball/ will to live away from Saxton, smashing 211 runs.
Dan Hewer said that 'his second hundred was s**t to be
fair". Well to be fair, 211 runs in a 40 over game
coming in at three is deserving of some rub of the green.
It was intelligent hitting, hitting the bad ball, with
his wide stance and low grip on the handle allowing him
to scoop the ball and turn a good length ball into a bad
one. Lessons to be learnt. And in all fairness he was
a nice chap as well, looked like the guy off 'The Real
Saxton did not help themselves
with utterly shambolic fielding, not only displaying an
inability to do the basics, but the most basic of human
skills like picking a ball up. Bishop, who is no stranger
to dressing room tantrums, which is only usually at his
own performance, was spitting feathers like a swan who
can not sleep because of noisy neighbours, beating the
hell out of an overfilled pillow. He lost it. Hewer bowled
a good spell in the circumstances, bowling line length,
and the occasional yorker. Bishop bowled his first spell
in 6 years, and his first full spell in senior cricket
with tight off breaks, and the odd one that threatened
to take out somebody's eye (he declined to comment whether
it was intentional or not) which were usually hit onto
the adjacent motorway, or caught and then run over the
boundary line by the fielder. Saxton slightly redeemed
their self in the batting, with a rejigged order. A start
from Bishop, an entertaining cameo from young Jimmy Leonard
playing some lovely straight punts over the infield and
breaking his budget bat in the process. Harry Fletcher
also made a solid 30 runs and will have enjoyed his time
at the crease. But Saxton were never in sight of their
mammoth target of 396.
What remains? Dan Gilbertson needs some tutelage from
David Buck, in the mentality of simply playing with a
straight bat and the mindset of occupying the crease.
He could even lend him his nightime cd 'The master of
the crease: Learn it in your sleep', which Gilbertson
could play twice over in his 18 and a half hour sleep
ins. Dennison needs surgery to take a foot off his height,
and Potter needs to stop laughing and get angry. And Faye
Walsh will probably want to get a saturday job instead
of scoring. And will Mike's baby arrive? Who shot JR?
Where is timbuktu? It is Whixley on saturday, and a win
is not a superlative, but to avoid the rutt of last year,
one cannot but help feel it is an important one.