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Match Report

Sat 31st August 2013

Kirk Deighton A 201-9 (1) (Steve Hills 5/31) lost to Saxton 261-6 (5) (Matt Ball 126, Steve Hills 66)

Divison 2

.Jealousy is a cruel mistress. It arguably shrouds sport, as George Orwell said 'Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfullness, disregard of all the rules and sadistic pleasure initnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting'. In Cricket, jealousy roams the field and the locker rooms. It can provoke healthy competition between batsman (ahem Bishop) and bowlers (ahem Hewer) and obviously between opposition, but there is a fine line that can be crossed that, instead of making you look like a silver tongued, witty wordsmith, getting inside the batsmans head with clever comments, you can simply just make yourself look like a petty,childish adolescent with the manner of an attention seeking child. The nature of how it arises is another essay for another day, but for now arguably jealously, is in the very nature of sport. The want to be better than anybody else but individual and as a team, and it can turn the competition very sour.

Two fine examples of these cases were incited on saturday. But i will come to that shortly as i must set a scene. Scenic Kirk Deighton, like a mini New Road, Worcestershire and a gently slope that made ground fielding a touch more difficult. Saxton players had to park on the M1. Bishop turned up, tail between his legs (quite literally) dragging the dog house, thanks to a misconstrued tweet from Ball, who was turning up remarkably early (20 full minutes!), which can only be down to his recent form. Hills was captaining, which may be the reason Ball was so optimistic boasting the form of a horse with 8 legs and a nitrous oxide fuelled rump. To which Saxton batted first.

Bishop and Ball looked to be continuing the opening form of late, ticking along nicely. It might have been the absolutely hilarious, and ridiculous silent verbals from the Kirk Deighton opening bowler, with no disrespect to his appearance, trotting in off 12 yards and dollying up gentle medium pacers at best. Shortly after it caused Bishop to play a horrid flail outside off stump and an exemplary catch from the 'keeper. Bishop was probably worried about his proposal from the other opening bowler; Instead of saying an onslaught of swear words and telling Bishop how poor he was he just seemed to mouth 'I love you'. Bishop also came off with a craving for Ginsters Pasties, thanks to the emission of a sight screen at the main road end.

At around the same time, our friend at mid-wicket started to chirp up, still wearing his U-15 whites and a particular horrible zintec Sekonda watch, dishing out some un-original banter. Think edges and holes in bats. It was like Art Attack doing an exhibition at the Louvre; that elementary and substandard level of intelligence and complexity. He continued to emit metaphorical, verbal diarrohea from the orifice that Doctors classify as as a mouth as Dan Hewer came to the crease. Continuing in the same vain, ticking along and getting a start until he chipped one to mid-wicket.

This brought Saxton's two in-form batsman to the crease. Kirk Deighton had their tales up at this point, getting Saxton in a precarious position, but if they were hoping the emulate what they did at Saxton's ground earlier in the year, instigating a collapse, then it was not to be. Quite simply: Saxton batted Kirk Deighton out of the game. Despite 'Rockers' efforts to keep the KD spirits up it didn't work and it gradually became a toil. Bowling changes became frequent, and without the option of a spinner the bowl flew off the bat and was zipping around the lightening outfield like a moth on illicit drugs around floodlights.

Both batsmen passed 50. At around this time, mid-wicket's was back with his chat. He ought to read act 3 scene 3 of Othello, no better quote to befit the moment

"Oh beware my lord of Jealousy,
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
the meat it feeds on....
Good heaven, the souls of all my tribe defend
from Jealousy!"

and if only he was averse to Shakespeare, as he might have come out with something a bit more imaginative than 'Prick'. Yes, he called Matt Ball a 'prick', as Ball was nearing around 80 runs. I have played a fair bit of cricket in my time at varying standards and have only heard verbal insults resorted to in the most heated of games; but a league game towards the end of the season, getting outclassed by the opposition, relegation inevitable, this is what he had resorted to.

An over later, Ball sent the ball for the biggest six, surely of the season. It went that far and high it eclipsed the tree and came back with a note on it saying

" YOUR MISSILES DO NOT THREATEN US U.K. I ALSO THOUGHT YOU HAD VOTED AGAINST A SYRIAN STRIKE. YOURS TRULY, PRESIDENT ASSAD OF SYRIA"

Hills departed for another good knock (over 50, i don't have the scorecard to hand) and in came young George Fletcher, who made another cameo of 20, scooping Sekonda over the infield. Only 15 years old , and any promotion chasing glory hunters who might want to return to Saxton would have to do so at the expense of the youth coming through. Young lads like these need game time, and Fletcher is just one who is taking the opportunity by the nuts (Ball, Todd and Leonard the others from the Buck academy who have shone in opportunities this year).

Rarer than Haley's Comet, Ball passed 100. Two Saxton hundreds in a season, and it is a testament to the class of Ball and the improvement in general of Saxton.

Saxton closed on their highest total of the year, 261. A good tea was served up in the cosy bar complete with lottery funded christmas lights. Saxton had the duty of defending 261.

KD had to go some, more than they did at Saxton, which to their credit they did. Both openers got comfortable and without losing a wicket at 20 overs, going at around 4 an over they were setting up a competition. It still left 180 runs to get though and drinks seemed to bring the panic or respite Saxton required, as Hills got a breakthrough.

To the crease came Sekonda ( which he will now be referred toi don't have the scorecard so struggling on players names). He wasn't wearing his watch, and he didn't require one to time his innings. He looked steady and solid, playing Walsh later than soft-porn on channel 5. He launched a big six off Hills, but went for a paltry figure in the 20's, caught by no other than Ball with a feeble shot, chipped to cover. He was gone, to mull over his lexicon, tight whites and floppy hair. If there is one thing I have learnt in cricket, it is never to give the banter out heavily when batting first as you leave yourself up for a big fall, and he did, falling for approximately 100 runs less than what his idol, Ball got.

Credit also to Walsh, who bowled his best and longest spell of the year. Disciplined, calm and still quick. Walsh certainly adds another dimension to the Saxton attack and when he gets it right he is a very useful weapon indeed and it is good to see him enjoying his cricket.

As KD looked like they were going to make a game of it, the game petered out to the inevitable. Todd got himself another wicket, before going for an over of 16 and running past the ball, and Hills and Hewer swept up with the rest of the wickets. Saxton's ground fielding was notably poor giving Chaston a tough day behind the stumps, and KD crossed the line on a respectable 201/9, but in reality never looked like getting it. Sekonda can spend next season reading sledging books and getting lots of runs in the league he deserves to play in.

Saxton's fine second half form continues. Selection dilemma's reign next week as it will be a question of sticking with the youth who are performing admirably well, or returning to the big guns. Next week also marks the end of season do and a game against promotion chasers Thorner. The general feeling is that Saxton have one game remaining that they really want to win. An unsteady start but the bastman have found their feet in the second half. Legends could be made next week, as the Saxon boys head into Leeds as George Fletcher and Joe Ball start to make their fake I.D's (Tip: back of a pokemon card).







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