Sat 31st August 2013
Kirk Deighton A 201-9
(1) (Steve Hills 5/31) lost to Saxton 261-6 (5) (Matt
Ball 126, Steve Hills 66)
.Jealousy is a cruel
mistress. It arguably shrouds sport, as George Orwell
said 'Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play.
It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfullness, disregard
of all the rules and sadistic pleasure initnessing violence.
In other words, it is war minus the shooting'. In Cricket,
jealousy roams the field and the locker rooms. It can
provoke healthy competition between batsman (ahem Bishop)
and bowlers (ahem Hewer) and obviously between opposition,
but there is a fine line that can be crossed that, instead
of making you look like a silver tongued, witty wordsmith,
getting inside the batsmans head with clever comments,
you can simply just make yourself look like a petty,childish
adolescent with the manner of an attention seeking child.
The nature of how it arises is another essay for another
day, but for now arguably jealously, is in the very nature
of sport. The want to be better than anybody else but
individual and as a team, and it can turn the competition
Two fine examples of these cases were incited on saturday.
But i will come to that shortly as i must set a scene.
Scenic Kirk Deighton, like a mini New Road, Worcestershire
and a gently slope that made ground fielding a touch more
difficult. Saxton players had to park on the M1. Bishop
turned up, tail between his legs (quite literally) dragging
the dog house, thanks to a misconstrued tweet from Ball,
who was turning up remarkably early (20 full minutes!),
which can only be down to his recent form. Hills was captaining,
which may be the reason Ball was so optimistic boasting
the form of a horse with 8 legs and a nitrous oxide fuelled
rump. To which Saxton batted first.
Bishop and Ball looked to be continuing the opening form
of late, ticking along nicely. It might have been the
absolutely hilarious, and ridiculous silent verbals from
the Kirk Deighton opening bowler, with no disrespect to
his appearance, trotting in off 12 yards and dollying
up gentle medium pacers at best. Shortly after it caused
Bishop to play a horrid flail outside off stump and an
exemplary catch from the 'keeper. Bishop was probably
worried about his proposal from the other opening bowler;
Instead of saying an onslaught of swear words and telling
Bishop how poor he was he just seemed to mouth 'I love
you'. Bishop also came off with a craving for Ginsters
Pasties, thanks to the emission of a sight screen at the
main road end.
At around the same time, our friend at mid-wicket started
to chirp up, still wearing his U-15 whites and a particular
horrible zintec Sekonda watch, dishing out some un-original
banter. Think edges and holes in bats. It was like Art
Attack doing an exhibition at the Louvre; that elementary
and substandard level of intelligence and complexity.
He continued to emit metaphorical, verbal diarrohea from
the orifice that Doctors classify as as a mouth as Dan
Hewer came to the crease. Continuing in the same vain,
ticking along and getting a start until he chipped one
This brought Saxton's two in-form batsman to the crease.
Kirk Deighton had their tales up at this point, getting
Saxton in a precarious position, but if they were hoping
the emulate what they did at Saxton's ground earlier in
the year, instigating a collapse, then it was not to be.
Quite simply: Saxton batted Kirk Deighton out of the game.
Despite 'Rockers' efforts to keep the KD spirits up it
didn't work and it gradually became a toil. Bowling changes
became frequent, and without the option of a spinner the
bowl flew off the bat and was zipping around the lightening
outfield like a moth on illicit drugs around floodlights.
Both batsmen passed 50. At around this time, mid-wicket's
was back with his chat. He ought to read act 3 scene 3
of Othello, no better quote to befit the moment
"Oh beware my lord of Jealousy,
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
the meat it feeds on....
Good heaven, the souls of all my tribe defend
and if only he was averse to Shakespeare, as he might
have come out with something a bit more imaginative than
'Prick'. Yes, he called Matt Ball a 'prick', as Ball was
nearing around 80 runs. I have played a fair bit of cricket
in my time at varying standards and have only heard verbal
insults resorted to in the most heated of games; but a
league game towards the end of the season, getting outclassed
by the opposition, relegation inevitable, this is what
he had resorted to.
An over later, Ball sent the ball for the biggest six,
surely of the season. It went that far and high it eclipsed
the tree and came back with a note on it saying
" YOUR MISSILES DO NOT THREATEN US U.K. I ALSO
THOUGHT YOU HAD VOTED AGAINST A SYRIAN STRIKE. YOURS TRULY,
PRESIDENT ASSAD OF SYRIA"
Hills departed for another good knock (over 50, i don't
have the scorecard to hand) and in came young George Fletcher,
who made another cameo of 20, scooping Sekonda over the
infield. Only 15 years old , and any promotion chasing
glory hunters who might want to return to Saxton would
have to do so at the expense of the youth coming through.
Young lads like these need game time, and Fletcher is
just one who is taking the opportunity by the nuts (Ball,
Todd and Leonard the others from the Buck academy who
have shone in opportunities this year).
Rarer than Haley's Comet, Ball passed 100. Two Saxton
hundreds in a season, and it is a testament to the class
of Ball and the improvement in general of Saxton.
Saxton closed on their highest total of the year, 261.
A good tea was served up in the cosy bar complete with
lottery funded christmas lights. Saxton had the duty of
KD had to go some, more than they did at Saxton, which
to their credit they did. Both openers got comfortable
and without losing a wicket at 20 overs, going at around
4 an over they were setting up a competition. It still
left 180 runs to get though and drinks seemed to bring
the panic or respite Saxton required, as Hills got a breakthrough.
To the crease came Sekonda ( which he will now be referred
toi don't have the scorecard so struggling on players
names). He wasn't wearing his watch, and he didn't require
one to time his innings. He looked steady and solid, playing
Walsh later than soft-porn on channel 5. He launched a
big six off Hills, but went for a paltry figure in the
20's, caught by no other than Ball with a feeble shot,
chipped to cover. He was gone, to mull over his lexicon,
tight whites and floppy hair. If there is one thing I
have learnt in cricket, it is never to give the banter
out heavily when batting first as you leave yourself up
for a big fall, and he did, falling for approximately
100 runs less than what his idol, Ball got.
Credit also to Walsh, who bowled his best and longest
spell of the year. Disciplined, calm and still quick.
Walsh certainly adds another dimension to the Saxton attack
and when he gets it right he is a very useful weapon indeed
and it is good to see him enjoying his cricket.
As KD looked like they were going to make a game of it,
the game petered out to the inevitable. Todd got himself
another wicket, before going for an over of 16 and running
past the ball, and Hills and Hewer swept up with the rest
of the wickets. Saxton's ground fielding was notably poor
giving Chaston a tough day behind the stumps, and KD crossed
the line on a respectable 201/9, but in reality never
looked like getting it. Sekonda can spend next season
reading sledging books and getting lots of runs in the
league he deserves to play in.
Saxton's fine second half form continues. Selection
dilemma's reign next week as it will be a question of
sticking with the youth who are performing admirably well,
or returning to the big guns. Next week also marks the
end of season do and a game against promotion chasers
Thorner. The general feeling is that Saxton have one game
remaining that they really want to win. An unsteady start
but the bastman have found their feet in the second half.
Legends could be made next week, as the Saxon boys head
into Leeds as George Fletcher and Joe Ball start to make
their fake I.D's (Tip: back of a pokemon card).